Marrying George Clooney

okay so i just read this story on what i think is called lemondrop and it said, no shit, that a woman, a 68 year old woman, survived 5 days — broken ribs, broken vertebrae, a whole slam shit of stuff, and… after her car rolled down a ravine she managed to crawl on her face — all while thinking of her family — in order to stay alive, WHILE — get this — SUCKING ON HER LONG HAIR TO KEEP FROM BEING DEHYDRATED.
okay, color me cynical, but i gotta say first and foremost, there is no way i’m gonna crawl 400 miles facedown, i would rather be eaten by a grizzly bear than crawl on my face for 5 days and 400 miles. i am not a woman who has an abundance of self confidence to begin with, so this face down crawl would just ruin it for me. and the other thing, the whole point of this story, i have real short hair, and i’m betting that the moisture from my hair would last, oh i don’t know, 3 hours tops.
this is such a huge boom for long hair!
not fair one bit.
but i have to say if i were driving in a desert (which in and of itself is so friggin’ unrealistic) i would make sure that i have enough hair products to keep me alive for a good ten days, two weeks. fuck food, i’m going for hair straightening gel and mousse, and all sorts of pomade.
i can’t even go to the crawling on the face scenario, i’m sorry. i just can’t.
but brava, brava to this woman, for a a) crawling facedown. and b) using lock in moisturizer.
so here’s to all hair products that lock in and keep in moisture, who knew they would also double as a life saver.
un-fucking-believable what we take for granted. i personally will never look at l’oreal in the same way ever again.
Because, well … i’m so friggin’ worth it.

face-up or face-down.