okay so here’s the scenario: it’s 3 am, i’m up, ken is fast asleep – snoring, happy, content — ambien-ed out. i get out of bed, and go to my computer and i start googling … first websites, like ReVive to see if i can get moisturizer just a bit cheaper than i pay @ bergdorf’s … no such luck. 150 a pop. uh, no thank you. then i start to check out sales and such (barney’s, banana republic, saks….) and then …. e-bay, and shoe sales, and religious artifacts, and spiritual destinations, like the four seasons yoga retreat, and canyon ranch 5 day get-a-ways for 4,000 dollars before taxes… and the i get fed up. breathe in, breathe out. breathe in, ahhhhh, breathe out.

and then i type in “old boyfriends.” guys i haven’t seen or thought of in years. and whoa…. OH MY GOD….some are now very  famous, some are completely destitute, some are gay, some have married and have three/four kids, and some… uh oh…. are dead.

i can handle the famous, the destitute and the gay. it’s the dead ex-boyfriends that make me think about long ago … the smoking of marijuana & hash, the taking of quaaludes, seconal, percodan and dropping of acid, the allman brothers, commander cody and the lost planet airmen, the grateful dead, the jefferson airplane, laura nyro… LOSING MY VIRGINITY — sex in cars, in alleyways, in supermarkets (yep… waldbaums), and  in bowling alleys — but never, ever in the city.

and to think… i coulda been a (bowling) trophy wife.